This one is in reply to Samir's post.
Driven By Dissatisfaction
You remember what they taught in Economics in school right? Demand always exceeds supply. Human want is endless etc etc. Everyone is driven by dissatisfaction. One thing that I have realized is that everyone wants acceptance. Everyone wants to be recognized for what they do. Everyone wants to be somewhere they belong. (Why do you think the song of the same name by Linkin' Park is so popular) If anyone tells you otherwise, they're either lying or they are deluded. In case it's the second, please refer them to an Introduction to Reality course. They can take the course anywhere they want, it's called Life.
Back to the topic at hand. The need to belong somewhere, whether it is some place to call home or gain acceptance into a community, it's all the same. Driven by dissatisfaction? I guess, to an extent... So what are you looking for? Happiness? Define it! What you call a moment of happiness or an emotion you would describe as elation or exuberance may not be similar for someone else. It's back to the whole 'One man's meat...' thing again. What remains similar here is the motive and the goal. People slaughter animals mercilessly to appease their 'Gods'. Others pose in skimpy clothes inside cages to fight for the animals' cause. Both attain their happiness here. Both gain their acceptance. Whether it is from their so called deities or from their peers.
The whole point behind this is simple. I'm not stopping you from having your own driving force. But some people spend their entire lifetime looking for acceptance, looking for one word of praise. My advice? Not resting on your laurels is admirable, but then stop and acknowledge whatever accolades that you may collect on the way. Consider it to be the shot of nitrous oxide that gives the necessary thrust to reach higher. What say you?
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Necrosis of Tribulations
This post is "Rock Never Felt So Good" with a different packaging. Hey Mephistopheles, this one's for you.
The wind carried the stench of death. Rotting corpses lying in the mud stained with their blood. You tread past the disfigured bodies of man and beast alike. You survey the area, there are heavy casualties. Nausea finally sets in, you wonder what took it so long. No longer aware of your location, spatial abilities not responding. The world goes white.
The wind kicks up a few notches. It rattles the window panes blowing the curtains apart. The last few dregs of sunlight filter in. You wake up with a start. You know it wasn't just a dream. It was all real. No matter how much you wish otherwise. The mind sub consciously goes back to those days. You brace yourself, you know the stinging pain the memory is going to rebound with. The second hand on the clock completes its trip. Nothing. Ok, it's a trap. Doesn't feel like one though, it wouldn't take this long to snap. There is a new feeling however; something which earlier was a low buzz now rising to almost defeaning proportions.
Slip out of bed, walk outside. The wind rushes past you face, slowly carving a smile. Realization dawns. You know what is happening. Not encountered in a long time, but the feeling is familiar. The sun has long set and the darkness wraps around you like armour. No more pain, no longer afraid. A new lease on life. As you walk out, you wonder how you berated yourself as you did earlier but the thoughts don't last. No longer bound to anything, just one thing on your mind. The bloodlust is back! This time, there will be no remorse.
Slip in to the shadows, occassionally stepping out into the light to let the moonlight wash over you. A creature of the night was what you always were. You relish the new found energy which radiates like an aura on steroids. Right on cue, the music starts. Power chords reverb like a growling V8. Drums echo their staccato beats. Strands of lyrics float through your head. ...Was bist du, Doch nur ein Tier! The smile grows wider, no longer just happiness as the glint of evil in the eyes reveal. Carpe noctum baby! It feels so good to be back.
The wind carried the stench of death. Rotting corpses lying in the mud stained with their blood. You tread past the disfigured bodies of man and beast alike. You survey the area, there are heavy casualties. Nausea finally sets in, you wonder what took it so long. No longer aware of your location, spatial abilities not responding. The world goes white.
The wind kicks up a few notches. It rattles the window panes blowing the curtains apart. The last few dregs of sunlight filter in. You wake up with a start. You know it wasn't just a dream. It was all real. No matter how much you wish otherwise. The mind sub consciously goes back to those days. You brace yourself, you know the stinging pain the memory is going to rebound with. The second hand on the clock completes its trip. Nothing. Ok, it's a trap. Doesn't feel like one though, it wouldn't take this long to snap. There is a new feeling however; something which earlier was a low buzz now rising to almost defeaning proportions.
Slip out of bed, walk outside. The wind rushes past you face, slowly carving a smile. Realization dawns. You know what is happening. Not encountered in a long time, but the feeling is familiar. The sun has long set and the darkness wraps around you like armour. No more pain, no longer afraid. A new lease on life. As you walk out, you wonder how you berated yourself as you did earlier but the thoughts don't last. No longer bound to anything, just one thing on your mind. The bloodlust is back! This time, there will be no remorse.
Slip in to the shadows, occassionally stepping out into the light to let the moonlight wash over you. A creature of the night was what you always were. You relish the new found energy which radiates like an aura on steroids. Right on cue, the music starts. Power chords reverb like a growling V8. Drums echo their staccato beats. Strands of lyrics float through your head. ...Was bist du, Doch nur ein Tier! The smile grows wider, no longer just happiness as the glint of evil in the eyes reveal. Carpe noctum baby! It feels so good to be back.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Rock Never Felt So Good
Insert ominous creaking of door and relevant orchestrated music. (Try a pipe organ, it's fun) Crap, where's the maid when you need one? This place is filthy, I need Garfield to get rid of all these spiders. Stupid cobwebs! This place has got all the settings for a scary movie.
A few hours and a few smokes later
Yea ok! I made a big deal about not posting anything here for a long time. But the place is clean now, that's something right? I've been away for a long time now, literally, figuratively and any other adverbs you can think of. Been down, been out. I wanted to avoid people, I wanted to things to fall back in to place. The way everything was. Can't have everything, can we now?
The last couple of posts have been kind of direct, not particularly abstract. Well I'll be a little obvious for a while since I've kept a few close friends in the dark. But then my propensity towards melodrama (Yea ok, I just downright ham everything) will not permit deviation from it for too long. I am bad, dealing with emotional pain, I really am. It feels like I am in a warzone, battling everything from the Sith Lord to the Vogons to Corpulent Women in Spandex. (Ok, I am bullshitting more than actually hamming, so I think that speaks a lot for my mood.)
If you idiots (It's an affectionate term I use for friends, again proof that overall my mood and general state of mind is normal. MY normal, before the protests start.) remember a post titled What I Really Am , I mentioned in it about falling in a bottomless pit, where at one point of time you lose sensation of the fact that you're falling. I've been there, and when I got out of it, I didn't want to go back there. Maybe because of this, I kept trying to hold on to something that wasn't there. Screwed my head up majorly in the process. For better understanding of the bottomless abyss theory, just go read that thing again, I've taken the pains to link it, knowing you people would be too lazy to actually look for it. I also know that you don't remember it too well, so just go read it. I'll go have a smoke in the meantime.
I avoided writing, partly because I was putting all my energy into photography and partly because my words were just making me worse. Leaving myself alone with my mind was hazardous. I didn't need to log my battles with my self; my feelings, my frustration. It was like medieval torture (hey the ham's back!) having my mind strapped to quartering machines or being stuffed into the iron maiden. Actually the bullshit is back. Check this out. I am actually thinking of this being used elsewhere. Not on me. That is kind of the point I'm trying to make. My healing mechanism finally kicked in. I think it needs to lubricated. It should have kicked in a long time back.
My mind was like this blog, in various states of disrepair, needed a lot of junk thrown out and having the place all cleaned up. It shouldn't have lasted this long, but it did. Big deal. I had become someone else but now I think I'm returning. Not too far off. Perspective's changing already. I'm no longer driving off into the sunset. The day has just begun. Metallica blasting on the car sterero and Rammstein all queued up. So palms facing downward, fingers to the side of my head, here's my salute to the rising sun, as I push the shift, and drive into the light.
Rock has never sounded better.
A few hours and a few smokes later
Yea ok! I made a big deal about not posting anything here for a long time. But the place is clean now, that's something right? I've been away for a long time now, literally, figuratively and any other adverbs you can think of. Been down, been out. I wanted to avoid people, I wanted to things to fall back in to place. The way everything was. Can't have everything, can we now?
The last couple of posts have been kind of direct, not particularly abstract. Well I'll be a little obvious for a while since I've kept a few close friends in the dark. But then my propensity towards melodrama (Yea ok, I just downright ham everything) will not permit deviation from it for too long. I am bad, dealing with emotional pain, I really am. It feels like I am in a warzone, battling everything from the Sith Lord to the Vogons to Corpulent Women in Spandex. (Ok, I am bullshitting more than actually hamming, so I think that speaks a lot for my mood.)
If you idiots (It's an affectionate term I use for friends, again proof that overall my mood and general state of mind is normal. MY normal, before the protests start.) remember a post titled What I Really Am , I mentioned in it about falling in a bottomless pit, where at one point of time you lose sensation of the fact that you're falling. I've been there, and when I got out of it, I didn't want to go back there. Maybe because of this, I kept trying to hold on to something that wasn't there. Screwed my head up majorly in the process. For better understanding of the bottomless abyss theory, just go read that thing again, I've taken the pains to link it, knowing you people would be too lazy to actually look for it. I also know that you don't remember it too well, so just go read it. I'll go have a smoke in the meantime.
I avoided writing, partly because I was putting all my energy into photography and partly because my words were just making me worse. Leaving myself alone with my mind was hazardous. I didn't need to log my battles with my self; my feelings, my frustration. It was like medieval torture (hey the ham's back!) having my mind strapped to quartering machines or being stuffed into the iron maiden. Actually the bullshit is back. Check this out. I am actually thinking of this being used elsewhere. Not on me. That is kind of the point I'm trying to make. My healing mechanism finally kicked in. I think it needs to lubricated. It should have kicked in a long time back.
My mind was like this blog, in various states of disrepair, needed a lot of junk thrown out and having the place all cleaned up. It shouldn't have lasted this long, but it did. Big deal. I had become someone else but now I think I'm returning. Not too far off. Perspective's changing already. I'm no longer driving off into the sunset. The day has just begun. Metallica blasting on the car sterero and Rammstein all queued up. So palms facing downward, fingers to the side of my head, here's my salute to the rising sun, as I push the shift, and drive into the light.
Rock has never sounded better.
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